• Maybe the electricity will go out at work and we can go home.
• Maybe this elevator will get stuck for a few hours and I can lay down and take a nap.
• Maybe our office will decide to close for Columbus Day.
• Maybe our office will decide to close for a State Fair Day like the schools.  (Yes, the schools in the DFW close one day during the fair so the kids can go…as if the kids need more time out of the classroom.)
• Maybe my class will get cancelled tonight.
• Maybe I’ll skip class tonight.
• Maybe my boss will notice how tired I am and send me home.
• Maybe no one will notice if I fall asleep at my desk.
• Maybe my alarm clock will decide not to go off in the morning.
• Maybe we’ll get so much snow tonight that we can stay home…even though the temps are in the 80′s.

On another note, I’ve had a bunch of people ask me if I’ve been nesting at all.  I was out with a close friend this past Saturday when her other friend who I didn’t know well asked me this question.  My friend started laughing and said “She has always nested!”  And it’s so true.  I am a total organizer, decorator, home-maker.  Always have been and always will be.  I’m constantly looking at furniture and accessories for our condo, and organizing my closets.  Doesn’t mean my closets stay organized, but it just gives me another reason to do it again.  Craig is constantly telling me to relax and sit still.  I just can’t.

So what does a natural nester do while pregnant?  Sadly, I nest in overdrive.  I didn’t even realize I was doing it until this weekend.  And I blame October because this month is awesome and so inspiring.  Cooler temps, fall foods, and HALLOWEEN!!!  I started getting the itch on Friday.  I ran into a craft store on my lunch break to look at Halloween stuff.  I bought two Halloween magazines and bunch of goodies for a friend’s kids, and I suddenly became the Nest Monster.  I got up Saturday and ran to four different stores looking for decor and items for my Halloween costume.  I was exhausted when I got home, but couldn’t stop.  I dragged out giant rubbermaid containers full of Halloween decor, while Craig yelled at me for lifting too much, and decorated a few areas of the house.  I helped Craig hang a mirror and then we finally rested before heading out to dinner for a birthday party.  Sunday we worked in one of the closets, I did five loads of laundry, and baked two homemade desserts to take to work and school.  The day was literally non-stop.  We finally sat down to dinner at 8:15 that night and I could barely move.  Everything ached.  That’s when it hit me that I had turned into some crazed nester.

I was pooped yesterday.  And I decided to calm the freak down!  I can control my need to decorate and organize and apparently BAKE.  So I backed out of an event for next Saturday at school and I’m only going to bake one thing next weekend, not two!  Yes, these are baby steps.  But for a control freak like me they are huge steps!  Next weekend will hopefully be filled with homework and resting wth my feet up!  (Did I just say I hoped I could do homework?  I really am crazy.)

I know I had a typical first trimester.  I was horribly nauseous, sick, tired, and cranky.  I did not enjoy those months at all.  And the worst was that we weren’t telling anyone (well, except a few chosen people), so I pretty much had to suffer in silence.  Then after about week 14 I started feeling better.  Just like everyone said I would.  I was still a little sick sometimes, but I was also ravenous and in a generally better mood.  I was hoping to spend the rest of the second trimester in this blissful state, but that just didn’t happen. 

At some point I started experiencing a racing heart.  It lasted for hours at a time and left me breathless.  I could barely get ready in the morning without taking a lot of breaks.  I was getting morning sickness again and just felt terrible.  There were a few mornings where I sat on the couch and cried while Craig toasted my waffle and got my school bag together.  I told my OB, and she was concerned.  My symptoms would have been normal, but she did not like how often and how long they lasted.  She said to call immediately if I felt an increase in symptoms.

Well, naturally I started having another issue.  On a few occasions I lost my peripheral vision for a few minutes.  It happened in one eye and then a few days later in the other.  So yeah, I started to get concerned.  My doctor had me test my blood pressure for a few days and sent me directly to a cardiologist…who then sent me to a neurologist.  For a few weeks I felt like I spent part of every day at a doctor’s office. 

I had already started back at school so my schedule was insane.  Add wearing a heart monitor and attending lots of medical tests, and you have yourself an EMOTIONAL pregnant lady.  I completely broke down at my last ultrasound with the OB specialist.  He walked in the exam room and I lost it.  I was so worried that all of my stress and medical issues were going to affect the baby.  I was a mess.  But this doctor is amazing and always knows what to say.  He told me a story about mothers after WWI and how resilient their little babies were during gestation.  He reassured me that my little guy would find a way to grow and be healthy despite what was going on with me.  I hadn’t realized how stressed out I really was until all of my worries came pouring out of me.  I didn’t go into work that day.  Instead I went to visit my wonderful friend who was home with her boys.  We talked and laughed and I got to snuggle with her babies.  I ran a few errands and went home for a long nap. 

Over the next few weeks I conquered the last of my specialist appointments and all of my test results came back normal.  Starting last week I noticed that my heart, while still racing, wasn’t going on for as long as before.  I think I’m over the hump, although my eye went all tunnel-visiony again last weekend.  But overall I feel better.  I have more energy and can get through my morning routine without any breaks.

I know the little spark of fall weather has helped.  I feel energized when the weather changes from brutal summer to fall.  I’m hoping to get one more month of feeling good before the girth and swelling of the last month takes over.  I never thought my pregnancy would be anything other than smooth sailing.  I was very naive, which I guess is good.  If you truly know what you’re getting into, you might not give it a try.  And the reward here is worth all of the hills along the way.

But last night as I was driving home I suddenly got sentimental.  I realized that someday I will actually miss law school.  Now wait, I don’t mean miss all of the reading, lectures, driving, and studying…but I’ll miss the people.  I have been so fortunate to have a great class.  We all get along.  No one is sleeping with anyone else (that I know of), we all help each other out, and we all laugh endlessly. 

The evening program is great because everyone has a very busy work day and most people have significant relationships and/or families.  We all live like three lives but when we’re together we just get to be students.  Everyone supports each other and we are all constantly amazed that any of us can get through the long days we pull.  But I think part of it comes from all that support.  Our families and friends cheer us on and help out at home, but at school we all encourage each other because why in the world would anyone choose this life on purpose?!  It is crazy. 

Someday my focus will shift again.  I’ll be finished with school and my family will need me to support them again.  Poor Craig will gladly hand back over the household reigns for a while I’m sure.  And I’ll want to be with Craig and my sweet baby every night after work.  I’ll want to start new projects and focus on my career.  It’s exciting, but it sort of makes me sad to think that I won’t see my school friends every day.  They’ll all be doing the same thing I will.  I know we’ll run into each other at events and our lives in law school will become this really weird dream we all can’t believe we had.  I remember some of that from undergrad.  Everyone went their separate ways, but it was like we all had this cool secret that we shared. 

Hopefully the inside jokes will never die and we’ll all stay in touch to some degree.  The stories will all start with “remember that time…,” and we’ll start to forget how torturous school really was and just remember the good times.  Law school is hard and crazy and exhausting, but in the end I’ve made some amazing friends.  Makes it all worth it somehow.

But before the posts about how awesome my trip was I thought I’d share some random stories about my pregnancy.  My mood swings are crazy.  And here is the proof.

*  Late last spring on my way to school I passed a bunch of wildflowers blooming along the Texas highways.  I suddenly burst into tears because…nature is soooo beautiful…waaaaaa!!

*  Summer + being pregnant = HOT.  I am seriously like a damn oven.  All day my fingers are pulsing with heat and I feel like I’m going to combust.  But I’ve finally found a secret weapon.  I was in our little break room at work the other day guzzling ice water to try and cool down.  Then I heard the buzz.  The monotonous buzz of the coke machine’s refrigerator.  The very cold coke machine.  I pressed my body up against it and let out a sigh of relief.  I had found the holy grail of coolness.  I spend an insane amount of time now hiding in the break room hugging the coke machine.  I would be embarrassed, but it’s just so damn nice and cool.

*  When I have pregnancy hunger I can go from the sweetest person on earth to a raging bitch in mere seconds.  A few weeks ago my entire family met for brunch at a local taco joint.  I hadn’t eaten all morning.  As soon as everyone arrived, I raced to the counter and placed my order.  I came back to the table with some chips and queso to hold me over until my food arrived.  My mom pointed down the table and said “Natalie got chips and queso.”  I’m not sure why but I exploded at my whole family, screeching “These are mine!!  If you want some, order your own.”  They all looked at me horrified.  Apparently they weren’t trying to steal my food, but just pointing out that chips and queso were available to order.  I went into the bathroom and cried.  And then I came back and ate all of my chips and queso.

*  I normally wear heels to work.  I love them.  I work with mostly older women who constantly say things like “I don’t know how you wear those heels everyday” and “you’ll have to give those up eventually.”  Grr…they make me cranky.  Now that I’m pregnant it’s even worse.  For weeks and weeks they all kept telling me that I’d have to switch to flats soon.  I was determined to prove them wrong.  But my feet hurt and it’s so hot out and I don’t want to swell.  So I switched to flats.  And now EVERYONE keeps pointing to me and going “oh yeah, had to get rid of those heels!”  Just because I’m apparently a bitch I started telling everyone that I only switched to flats because my doctor made me and “I do what the doctors tell me.”  Apparently being pregnant also makes me a liar.

*  Craig and I were in Macy’s last weekend doing some shopping for our trip.  We were accosted about a thousand times by overly helpful salespeople.  I mean, it was ridiculous.  Over and over again with the can we help you and can I take that and can I get you something.  I do like attentive staff, but these people were like smiling aliens.  It was weird and totally annoying.  After spending over an hour in the store my calm mood had turned to twitchy anger.  I wanted OUT.  As we headed to the door with our bags, one last salesperson just had to speak up.  Craig was carrying his two bags and I was carrying my one bag.  The guy looks at us and says “why does he get two bags?”  For some reason I turned into a femi-nazi and barked back something about how I have to carry the BABY so I can only carry one bag.  Craig just looked at me and shook his head.  What??  How was I supposed to know the guy was just trying to say it wasn’t fair that Craig got more new stuff than me?

Okay, I have to end it there because my stories are getting worse and worse.  Wow, I am seriously crazy.  Watch out, Seattle, raging bitch from Texas is headed your way!!!