Tripping in Heels

In keeping with my lazy gallant effort of one whole post a month, here we go!

You know those times when you act like a three-year old and in typical toddler fashion you really don’t give a rat’s ass?  Yeah, that has been me this week.  Craig is graduating on Friday.  He will be officially finished with his MBA.  And I’m like proud and stuff, but it’s just NOT FAIR that he’s finished and I’m NOT.  What the hell, man?  I’ve worked hard and stuff, why can’t my program be over?  This needs to be all about me and stuff!!  So um, I’m not exactly being the super supportive wife.  In fact, I’d be more correctly classified as an annoyingly whiny wife.  Oooh, I like the sound of that.  Really rolls off the tongue! 

I really am trying to be happy for him.  It will be nice to have someone available to run to the grocery store and make food for me, but he’ll also get to drink wine every night and relax and relax and RELAX.  SO NOT FAIR.  Ahem, anyway, what I’m saying is that I think I can get behind this eventually.  I think I can be supportive.  Or I thought I could until I saw the page-long itinerary for graduation.  A freaking PAGE long.  Would you like to hear about the exciting evening the college has planned for their graduates and prisoners family?  I thought you would!

Official university graduation starts at 4:00 p.m.  This is the big one with all of the various colleges graduating at the same time.  The loooong one with tons of names of people you don’t know…and the fog horns.  The damn fog horns!!  Then at 6:00 we will all gather for drinks and appetizers at the business school.  Then at 7:00 we will watch graduation again.  Um, yes, I did say AGAIN.  Because graduations are so fun we should do them twice!  Although, this one is super special and just includes the graduates from the executive MBA program.  Ooooh, fancy!  Whatever.  And guys, let me tell you that the list of speakers for this particular part of the evening is horribly long.  And then as if that whole thing isn’t enough, there’s more.  From 8:15 to 9:30 there will be more drinks and a celebration!  Wait.  I thought we did that one already too.  WTF?  That is almost SIX hours of graduation.  And I don’t know if you noticed this or not, but there is no dinner!  Appetizers, yes, but real food, no.  I am not the kind of person you deprive of food.  If you think I’m being mean now, just imagine me hungry! 

I’ve tried to convince Craig to skip the 4:00 graduation because um, boring and who cares.  But so far he has just gotten mad, told me I don’t have to go if I don’t want, and asked me what my problem is.  And then he added the whole “my parents are going to the whole thing” thing.  Damn.  I can’t look like a crappy wife in front of his mom because I know she already thinks I’m crappy because I like go to school instead of take care of her son.  Whatever.  He’s like 36.  He can take care of himself.

So this Friday when you’re all at happy hour or trying out your new grill (you know who you are), just remember me sitting through six hours of stupid graduation as I starve and hang out with my in-laws.  Hmmm…I wonder if I can get the flu or some other random 24-hour bug by Friday.  Anyone have any snotty kids I can hang out with?