What goes up must come down. And my glorious mood from last week melted into a puddle of blah yesterday. I was grumpy, defeated, exhausted, and so terribly sleepy. I spent most of my day hiding in my office trying to stay awake. I kept dozing off and then jerking awake to find my computer screen had entered the power-saver black screen mode. I would panic and hit the mouse to wake the darn thing up, hoping no one glanced in my office to see me sitting there staring at NOTHING.
I drank two cups of coffee, a glass of iced tea, and a cup of hot tea throughout the day. I still couldn’t stay awake and only felt dehydrated and full from all of the liquids. The dry-mouth led me to drink lots more water, which just made me feel more full. I was miserable. And the thought of driving an hour to class and then trying to stay awake for five hours of lectures made me want to cry. I had hit a wall. I just wanted my comfy clothes, my pillows, and my soft bed. I felt overwhelmed and just wanted to hide. And so I did. I left work at 4:00, and instead of heading to school I dazedly drove home. I walked in the door, hugged my dog, put on a t-shirt, and crawled under the covers. I was asleep in moments.
Craig came home a few hours later and found me hiding from the world. He told me to rest and said how nice it was to have me home in the evening for a change. We ate leftovers, watched a little tv, and then I went back to bed at 9:00.
I felt like a slacker. I am not enjoying my job right now and therefore don’t want to put forth the effort anymore. School has been okay, but I’m not putting in the time I promised myself I would this semester. I’ve even slacked on my diet after only a few weeks. I stopped seeing results and instead of trying harder, I got upset and ate like crap. I was laying there in bed, reading a book, and feeling sorry for myself when I read this line: “Sometimes, the hardest habit to break is the habit of doing nothing beyond the necessary.” It hit me that this is exactly how I’ve been living lately. I’ve only been doing the necessary to survive. It shocked me a little that I had let a few bumps in the road cause me to practically give up. I have been settling for “getting by” and that is not acceptable. I must learn to break this habit and push through the hard days.
I found the motivation to get up this morning and go into work. I also worked this morning instead of mope about around the office. I cleaned off my desk and crossed a few things of my to-do list. Has it been life changing? No, but it’s a start. I’m going to study during lunch and then go to class this evening. I need to practice doing more in order to succeed beyond average. I know I can do it. I also know some days it will be very difficult. I need to keep that quote in mind so I don’t forget what the end goal is…doing more than what is necessary.